My Writings. My Thoughts.

For I Wish And Pretend

At » 3:28 AM // 5 Comments »
“And it seems like yesterday it was just a dream…” B.o.B


It was not since mid March that I last wrote in this little box. It is no longer March; in fact, April is ending soon. This little box begs for letters to be in it… and I often don't comply with its wishes. It must be something incredibly exciting and resplendent to occupy my time such that I do not update this oft-abandoned blog, right? I don’t know. Maybe. Maybe not.

I intend not to use this space simply to complain about the various things that have surfaced in my life recently. No, blogs are in no way intended to be used for petty bitching and empty negativity. No. So don't think of this particular entry as me being biased towards the melancholy. I simply need to express that which is currently troubling my gentle soul so as to prepare myself for better sailing ahead.

I guess I’m just worried sick. I have like things that constantly project themselves from my eyes and mind; they're kind of basically in command now. I recalled my mum was saying that yesterday was my late sister’s birthday. My late sister would have been 29 yesterday. I didn’t get the chance to see her and thus, I don’t have an image of her on my mind. And so, I wish and pretend. I pretend she is quite tall. Curly long hair. Big eyes with smile that just soften one’s heart in an instant. I pretend she would be the ideal elder sister. Someone that could inspire my two younger sisters and me. A role model. Huh. It’s easy to pretend something which we will never know but when we instill these thoughts to our mind, it gives the good vibes to one’s mind.

I don’t want to hope. Hope is something we humans will just cling on to the word. Like literally. And so, let me just wish and pretend things will be better in the next few days or weeks or so. For my dad and my family. For his health have not been the best at these tough times. For I miss his longing smile and his usual “high five” with my youngest sister. For I miss seeing his usual antics to ‘irritate’ my younger sister. For I miss his constant ranting whenever man utd play badly. For I miss his laughter when mum gets over excited and shout enthusiastically watching soccer. And for all that and more, I wish to see all that back. Perhaps, if my elder sister is still alive, she could handle this better than I am.

For now, let me just wish and pretend.






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